Humour Story-Surprised Because of Rifles

Another humour story for you :

Beautiful woman Guide, Jhastine, leads a group of travelers reviewing army barracks, 

suddenly heard the voice of a string of gun near there.

Because surprised, Jhastine fallen into the arms of the officer who stood near her.

Mary hastily said with red face:

"Sorry sir, I really was surprised by the sound of  the rifles."

"Ah, okay," said the officer, 

"do you want to see the cannon training?"

Ask for Sports Car Prize

An another humour story :

Sooner A wife will have birthday, she wanted a car that have speed of more than 200 miles per hour as a gift.

He said to her husband: "Birthday present that I wanted this time, when I climbed on top of it, the goods can be moved from number 0 to number 200"

The day has come, 

The wife looks happy but confuse,
she find a chest on the front of the door, 
once she open it, 

There is an electronic scales in it.

:D

Farmers Go to the Movies

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is on your shoulders?"

Old farmer said, "That's my pet chicken, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes."

"Sorry, sir," said the ticket girl, "We can not let the animals go to the cinema. Even the pet chicken."

Old farmer went to a quiet place and insert cock into his pants. He returned to the ticket booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat next to two emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge. This movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer opening the zipper his pants so Chuckie could remove his head and watching movies.

"Marge," Mildred whispered.

"What?" Marge said.

"I think the person next to me is obscene."

"What makes you think so?" Marge asked.

"He unzipped his pants and goods out," whispered Mildred.

"Well, do not worry about it," said Marge, "For us it's not the stuff that we've never seen before."

"Yes," said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn !"

Fart in Restaurant

Paijo was in a restaurant, suddenly he realized his stomach was eager to fart. The music heard in the restaurant was really hard, so Paijo trying to fart while he align it with the rhythm of the music. 

After a few songs with a fart, Paijo begin to feel better. Paijo finished his coffee, and saw that all the people staring at him. 

Then Paijo suddenly remembered that he was listening the music from his ipod's earphones.

Choose Money or Wife

A husband and wife were walk on the streets of a quiet little street,

suddenly from behind wandering out 2 face covered with black cloth, 

while brandishing a knife into the The husband's neck, he said: "Yo, choose yourself, money or wife? "

"Money." The husband said in a voice trembling with shock and fear. 

Robber: "Then, you,  get out of here immediately !, and now leave your wife here!" 

Pass before long, The husband return back again. 

Robber said: " Why are You come back ?" 

The husband : "Oh, all of my money is in my wife's hand."

Due Never Going Home

Husband had not come home a few days, tempered wife and berate. A moment later a wife asking her husband: "If you do not see me for 3 days consecutive, how do you feel?" 

"My feelings is certainly a good one." Replied the husband.

The second day, he really did not see his wife again.

The third day, he still did not see his shadow.

And this situation continues until the seventh day .....

Hehehe ...... all of this was caused because of his battered due to being punched by the wife. After the swelling gradually wilted, he could see a little shadow of his wife from the crevices left eye.

Phone From Patients

Pointing to a coat hanger, doctors shouted to his daughter: "Come !!, quickly give me my medical equipment bag." 

"What is it dad ? What has happened?" asked his daughter half panic. 

"Recently I received a call from a young man, he said, he was tired of life, without me, it feels better to die." 

Tense feelings soon subsided the girl: "I am not worried anymore, because the content of the call was clear, it's acctually for me."

Reason Rejected of Make a Relationship

Another humour story :D

Barry screaming with a hoarse voice: "Oh, dear, why do you reject me?" 

As he frown, his girl said: "My face is bad, I really do not fulfill a relationship with you." 

"You think i am a kind person like that huh?. Though you look bad, I'll still love you! Please do not worry." 

"But ...... but your face turns out worse than me, I can't, I really can't."

Entire Body Feel Bad

A male patient walks into the clinic told the doctor that his whole body feel bad. 

After examining it carefully, the doctor gave him 3 pills with different colors, 

The doctor saying: "Listen carefully, every morning you wake up, first taking the red pill. Remember, take it with a large glass of boiled water that has cooled, and after lunch later, take the blue pill, remember, drinking the warm water in the same volume; at night before going to bed, take the yellow pill, do not forget to drink a large glass of boiled water. "

"Sir, what really happened to me?" the patient asked him a little worried. 

"No problem anything, you just lack of dringking water." 

Recovery for a while

Patient: "Mr.Doctor, You are truly remarkable, only one word alone can cure my depression has-bowel disease over the years."

Psychiatrist: "Ah, the situation is not as simple as that, your depression could this all the time another recurrence."

Patient: "When is the recurrence ?"

Psychiatrist: "Usually by the time the patient has heard the charges that i will explain later."

Forgot Bring Pen When Exam

Time test, a student said to his teacher: "I forgot bring my pen."

Teacher said to be angry: "You really are outrageous. Consider your own thought, if a soldier did not carry guns on the battlefield, if it can still be called patriots?"

The student said: "It certainly is a General."

When is Crocodile Can Have Money

Another Animal Humour Story :

Little crocodile ask his Father: "Dad, Can i have money in the future?"

"Of course you can son." Replied Mr. crocodile

"When will I have money?" asked the little crocodile further.

"That is waiting for you has been processed into a wallet."

Army Testing Capabilities

Here it is another humour story, it's funny :D

A Navy admiral was walking on a warship.

Suddenly he saw a soldier who seems still new and doing picket duty.

Seeing the soldiers while the admiral intended to test the ability of the soldier to take action in the case of having an emergency,

he said to a soldier said: "Hi, boy!"

While removing his cap on the deck of the ship, he said: "If this is a bomb, how do you manage it and what action would you take?"

Having seen it for a while, soldiers did not say a word to immediately move forward and kick admiral cap that embroidered with gold into the ocean.

Dog barking not as usual

A dog that is usually calm start barking every night around 03:00. Irritated and sleepy, the dog owners look over the backyard to find out what might disturb the peace of this animal. 

For three days he did not find anything wrong. When the dog got up on the fourth night at 3 am, the dog barking, the owner finally sneaking around the house through the alley and found a neighbor threw pebbles at the dog. 

The owner asked to find out what he was doing. 

"My mother-in-law visit me," explained neighbor while shame. "If she wakes up in the middle of the night once again she said that she would go away ..."

Changing New Password

Another Adult Humour Story :

A husband and wife are trying to set a new password for their computer. 

The husband said, "Just type 'my sex tool'," 

The wife laughed out loud because on the computer screen says,

"Error.. Length is not enough."

The story of Tarzan and Jane

Here again.. Another Adult Humour Story :

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. He is very attracted to him and during the questions about his life she asked him if he successful have sex.

"What's that?" he asked.

Jane explained to him what sex was and Tarzan said, "Oh, I used a hole in a tree trunk."

"Horrified ...", Jane said, "Tarzan, you did everything wrong. I will show you how to do it correctly."

She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and opened her legs wide. "Here," he said, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan took off his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave him a hard kick, right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in pain.

Eventually he succeed get up and say, "What the hell did you do that ?!"

"Checking the bees!" said Tarzan.

Birthday Gifts for Rich Wife

Another Adult Humour Story :

There was a man talking to his friend, The man said, "I do not know what to give to my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, he was able to buy whatever he wants. So, I'm confused."

His friend said, "I have an idea. Why do not you create a certificate that says she can earn two hours of great sex, any way she wants. He may be happy!"

So the man did it. The next day his friend asked, "Well, did you take my advice? How is that?"

"She loved it. He jumps, say thank you, kiss my mouth, and ran out the door and yelling me, "I'll be back here in two hours".

(So that means the wife is having "fun" outside)

Deliver message to father

In the living room, Dad was talking accompany a guest, the child seems to have something to say.

Seeing this situation The Father said: "Ah, don't secretly, if there is something you want to talk, talk out loud!"

The boy finally said it out loud: "Mom told me to tell Dad, do not ask that guests staying lunch, because the rice runs out !!."

Can not Sleep Because of Debt Maturity

Another Funny Experience Humour Story :

In the Evening,

Michael roll over on the bed, roll to the right and to the left, he can not sleep, his wife asked him why, he said: "3 months ago I had borrowed 200 dollars to Jhonson across the street, tomorrow it's the time, but I do not have the money to pay it. 

"Just because of this you can not sleep huh?" The wife was very surprised. By arbitrarily out of bed, then opened the window, and shouted loudly several times facing the opposite direction of Jhonson's home : "Hi, Jhonson, Tomorrow my husband did not have the money to pay off your debt !!" 

Once finished speaking, he closed the window and said to her husband: "Well, now you must sleep in peace, next turn Jonson who could not sleep, hehehe......"

Backfire From a Teaching

Another Funny Experience Humour Story : 

In Sajastan , central Asia, between Iran and Afghanistan , live a cleric who is very famous linguist. One day he teach his son : "If you want to talk about something, use your brain first. Think carefully, after that, say it in good and true words."

One day in the rainy season, the two were lounging near bonfire in their home. Suddenly a small fire spark splatter to robe woven of silk worn father. it was seen by his son, but he did not say anything. After thinking for a few moments before he opened his mouth,

"Dad, I want to say something, may I ?" he asked.

"If you want to tell the truth, just say it," replied the father.

"It is concerning the truth, " he said.

"Say it Please," the father said. 

He says, "I saw a red hot object."

"What is it ?, " Asked the father.

"A spark of fire on the father's cloak, " he said.

Immediately the father saw the cloak already partially burned.

"Why did not you tell me right away ?!!!,"

The father said. " I have to think before say something, like what you advise me the other day, " his son replied innocently. :D

Ever Life As Bob Sadino

A man has just thrown into prison. There is already a long occupants there that looked old.

The old man said, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You would never believe that I have a life like Bob Sadino.  I am luxurious traveling around the world, has a private yacht, four fine cars, the most beautiful woman, and I eat at all the best restaurants in the world."

The New person then ask, "What happened?"

"One day Bob Sadino reported his credit cards missing!"

Invite Foreign Tourists to the Zoo

A tour guide (guide) drove foreign tourists to look around the zoo.

Tourist: "What's that?"

Guide: "peacock, Mister."

Tourist: "It is small peacock in my country is much bigger, what about that one?"

Guide: "it's a Deer .."

Tourist: "Ah .. in my country much bigger deer!"

Then the guide took him seeing larger animals.

Tourist: "Wooow, what's that?"

Guide: "Rhino!"

Tourist: "Ooh, in my country anyway, even bigger!"

With your resentful feelings the Tour Guide invite him to see big animals, but the answer remains the same "in my country is much bigger"

Tourist: "What's going on?"

Guide: "It's an elephant."

Tourist: "Elephant small here, huh?"

After reaching Komodo's cage, the tourist asked again.

Tourist: "Again, What is this ?"

Guide: "You never seen anything like this mister?"

Tourist: "No, this is the first time."

Guide: "THIS is lizard's baby!"

Tourist: "?????"

Save a student who Chased by Dog

Driving past the front of the university, a professor saw a student running hard. Growling behind three large dogs. Determined to save, professor braked to stop and open the door. 

"Quick - get in!" He ordered. 

"Thanks for stopping," said the young man with panted, "most people are not going to offer a ride to me when they see I have three dogs." 

The Lost Parrot

A man receives a phone call, and the caller asked if he had lost parrot. The man said that he had indeed lost the bird, but the caller wanted to know how to find it. 

The caller said that the bird had landed on the balcony of his house and kept singing, "Hi, you've reached 555-1234. I could not pick up the phone right now, please leave a message after the tone.."

Clean Before Meets Doctor Content

Couple in Bed

One night, there was a couple are in bed 

and the husband caressing his wife's arm

the wife got up and it says: 

"I'm sorry but I have an appointment with the obstetrician tomorrow and I want to keep it clean." 

Husband, returning to the side of his bed and tried to sleep ... A few minutes later he approached his wife again, she whispered to him: 

"Do you also have an appointment with the dentist tomorrow?"

Extra Large Condoms

A woman walks into a pharmacy and ask if they sell extra large condoms. 

"Yes, we sell it," said the sales assistant, "Do you want to buy it?" 

"No, thank you," she said. "But if you do not mind, I'll wait here for someone who bought it." 

Diary Cruises

Adult humor Story :

A female author while on vacation at sea has been keeping a diary as follows: 

Day one: I have encountered the captain of the ship. 

Day two: The captain invited me to dinner with him at a table, I felt very proud. 

Day three: The ship's captain took me around everywhere, even still brings me to the skipper cabin.

Day four: The captain took me to look around his room and asking an outrageous thing to me; he asked me to make love with him. This behavior did not conform to its identity as a ship's captain. 

Fifth day: He insisted on the establishment persist, saying if I did not agree, he will drown this ship. 

Day six: a beautiful morning. I have managed to save the lives of 700 people.

Dead firefly lights

Another Fun Animal Story :

A flock of fireflies were flying freely in the air, among them there is a non-luminous. The Other firefly feel strange, so he immediately approached him and asking him : "Oh, brother, why do you not emit light like our friends the other?" 

"Because of months ago I had forgotten to pay off the cost of electricity?" replied the non-luminous fireply

Turtles Exercise Fitness

Another Fun Animals Story :

Mr. Tortoise bringing his child to the fitness, to do exercises push up. 

After doing as much as 100 times with a deft movement, the tortoise child patting his dusty hands, and saying: "For me, it's nothing, very easy." 

Mr. tortoise then said: "Ah, do not boast yet, try it now you do 'sit ups', can you?" 

Hearing tests

Another Funny Experience :

Because military recruitment that time beyond on my own, then in a relationship with another person I always take the attitude bitter and hostile. 

At the time of the medical tests, the doctor ever asked me with a low voice: "Are you able to read the letters on the wall?" 

By deliberately not happy and I replied: "The letters which one?" 

The doctor said: "Okay, your hearing is normal !"

Felt Phone Left behind in Taxi

Today it rains heavy, I hastily taxi ride back to the hotel. After the come out of the cab, I found that my phone was missing, so no matter when it was still raining hard, I immediately chase the taxi, and shouting: "Sir !, driver !, please stop! Please stop for a while!"

After I ran as far as about 100 meters, I found my left hand was clutching an HP, but at that time the taxi driver also stopped the car, he asked me is there any problem.

I stood in the rain and shouting : "The rain was falling in bushy, Mister, please driving carefully, do not rush!", Then I turned and ran towards the direction of the hotel.

Getting Free ride

Another Fun Story :

A police car stopped in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris came out of the car.

Police politely explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park, and could not find his way home.

"Oh Morris", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So, how could you get lost?"

Leans close to grandma, so that the policeman could not hear, Morris whispered, "I'm not lost ... I'm just too tired to walk back to the house."

Split Because of Roses

A: "I heard that you now have split with Your girl, true?" 

B: "Yes, you're not wrong." 

A: "Why?" 

B: "One day, I had hold her and put her on a bed full of roses ..." 

A: "Well, these actions are very romantic, is not it? 

B: "But the problem is previously I had forgotten to throw the rose thorns."

Ordering French cuisine

A young Englishman invited his girlfriend to go eat at a French restaurant, but he did not understand French and did not know what was written on the menu located at the top of the dining table. 

But he also does not want to show his ignorance in front of the girl, then he is pointing to some lines of letters that are printed on top of the menu, he finally said to the waitress resto: "We decided to order some of this dishes!" 

After a quick glance at the menu, the waitress said with a smile: "I'm sorry sir, this is the list of instrumental songs to our music player."